The sunset looked amazing this afternoon.

Kind of reminded me of sweet strawberries dipped in champagne

“There I go again, pretending that I’ll fall; Don’t call the doctors, cause
they’ve seen it all before. They’ll say just Let. Her. Crash. And. Burn. She’ll learn.
The attention just encourages her.”                                                                          - The Dresden Dolls - Girl Anachronism  

So this is what’s been keeping me busy:

I just did a full 12 hour shift last night with only a 6 hour sleep in tow. We decided it’s a little too cuthroat to come home at 12am commute so we piled up the hours and took in charge of the remaining emails that have been giving us headaches. Well. Instead of sleeping, we thought it’d be better if we get paid. After all, it was a holiday.

I haven’t had much quality time spent with my own bed as well. I slept over at Ger’s for the night, pretty much wore the same clothes and went back to the office again. That’s pretty much just six hours too. We left a little too late for work and it cost us 3 minutes of tardiness.

Work’s an endless silent war. It could have been better if it’s the usual personal struggle between you and the work you’re doing, but it’s draining when you’re faced everyday with people who make your life worse than it is by doing illegal actions and reversing things to make it seem it’s your fault. It’s an amazing three on three fight. You should see it some time. We don’t have catfights but we have our daily dose of secret stares and messages through Outlook. Almost esoteric, really. You see them going around, monitoring what you’re doing, and none even a little discreet. And the problem is, they don’t even have the right to. They’re just coworkers, that’s it.

We already told our supervisor the truth in hopes of getting things even. You all know how adorable our supervisor Tim is—frigging epitome of employee of the year and still all too abused. He’s too nice, but I suppose that makes things great and tolerable. And of course he looked somehow pained finding out about things. Hey, we were hurt too. We couldn’t understand how those people could do it. Right now, he’s trying to make sure everything’s monitored to enforce a fair playing ground. We don’t even want them suspended. We just want a fairer playing ground and that’s it. They’re still taking it into a bad context but since they’re being monitored, they can’t really do anything drastic.

On the side, we’re thinking of renting a house in Makati. If we find one, there would be four of us who’d share the place. I don’t mind, the three others are neat freaks, and I’m sure there shouldn’t be any complications except for most of the bathroom trips and food. But that’s one of the main reasons why I miss having an apartment again, and why I’m so pushing for it: I miss her and her cooking. She can whip up a mean cuisine. And I miss cooking weird stuff for her as well, like the “crunchy noodles with singkamas” I did which became a little memorable albeit unpopular. She claims she likes it, but I don’t believe half of it; but still, the point of living with her again in one house is exciting me once more. Plus, a nearer house may mean more bucks. 14 hours of work wouldn’t be so hard if I can get more sleep and less travel.

I can’t wait to make a new notebook. I’m getting into the idea of having a binded notebook made of plain paper for the doodles and artwork. Yes, I have now recently picked up oil pastels and ink and pencil. Little D is slowly evolving, but I’m still thinking of renaming him/her. I don’t mind sticking to that name though.

I’m also planning to pick up on the lost time which I should have been reading pending literary lists. Emma’s on my side table; the other day I downloaded Pride and Prejudice because I miss Mr Darcy. Also thinking of brushing up on history and a lot of other things. Minimize my gigs out and minimize spending. I need to rake in as much money as I can.

I’m too behind.

I need to run out of time to think and be emotional.

I was just about to rant on something I found after a few clicks on the cyberspace and pour out all my anger on my other hidden blog when I realized I couldn’t get through.

Tangna, hindi ko maalala ang password. Paano na lang ako?

[I’llfuckinghavetoyankyououtofthememoryofmyrapedemotionsifIhaveto]

After Limewire, feeling ko sophisticated na ang mga LSS ko. Check this one:

The Fear You Won’t Fall
Joshua Radin [Download mp3 here]
(The Grey’s Anatomy Soundtrack - ending theme of Episode 22:The Name of the Game, Season 2)

Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me air’s getting thin but I’m trying
I’m breathing in
Come find me
It hasn’t felt like this before
It hasn’t felt like home before you
And I know it’s easy to say but it’s harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can’t get my mind off of you
I know you’re scared that I’ll soon be over it
That’s part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won’t fall
It hasn’t felt like this before
It hasn’t felt like home before you
And I know it’s easy to say but it’s harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can’t get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you’d call
Thought being alone
Was better than… was better than…
And I know it’s easy to say but it’s harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can’t get my mind off of you
Can’t get my mind off of you
And I know it’s easy to say but it’s harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can’t get my mind off of you

(Or what you normally sing when you’re writing your goodbye to your job for the second time in a year)

We finally did it. We decided our friends are far more important than our careers, so we dropped if off officially on Tuesday morning, December 19th for the December 18th shift.

At least it was a good excuse to present to Tina, whom we met the night after for a pizza in Greenhills. Of course she knew that was bull, but it was fun to think about it for some time. Or maybe not, because we spent our time avoiding it and just talking about our favorite psychology topics, some conversations we have craved for for a long time due to the scarcity of sensible people. Yes, we quit our job for people like Tina, whom we value more and would like to spend quality time with over Christmas. So yes, for bookings till January, you may start your reservations now.

Admittedly, while the hype was being passed around the office, it was exciting to think about. We were brave enough to face the consumerist month jobless, without any promise of a next company that offers the same pay. Our tenurity with GE would not offer comfort, as 4 months isn’t exactly much for some companies. It may be a valiant excuse to say we want to just rest.
Or maybe it’s just foolish.
Today, we finished our clearance just for the back pay to process earlier. We bid everyone goodbye, promised to show up on Christmas parties, gave our word to keep in touch. We intend to. GE people are as much lovable as APAC-Medco people, and we will cherish them both. We were cheeky with them Medco guys, in fact, when we dropped by APAC to pick up our W2 forms. And if there’s a few regrets of leaving both APAC and GE, it’s losing such great people as constant company every time another company presents better pastures.
So why leave, if they were great people then? Honestly, up to this point, we’re not exactly sure either. We wanted to think that we needed rest, but after the hype of going around the office and declaring your choice, you find yourself in a state of emptiness when your body hits the bed when you get home. Ger and I would look at each other silently; our eyes would say, “This is it,” but we couldn’t bear to really voice out loud the big question of “what now?” Is it really the company? In all honesty, GE may have a few flaws, but maybe—just maybe—they can be bearable if the proper motivation is found. Is it the pay? We know better than to question that. Is it the nature of the job? Maybe. But haven’t we braced ourselves for that? That we’d stick around taking calls for some time up until we finally earn enough to maybe support ourselves while trying out for the field we really want? Or maybe stick around long enough to apply for a position where we could finally retire taking in calls?

We tried buying some time to figure that out. A few hours, then a day, two days, four…finally, a week. We can’t stay that way. We may be getting a little sick, and that might be enough to merit the required medical certificate we’re supposed to present to excuse ourselves from skipping work. But we’re being unfair too. To our teammates struggling hard to raise the team statistics, to our Team Leaders trying to manage with our absences, to GE and their value of integrity, and mostly for our integrity, us who can’t bear having to pull ourselves off the bed to go to work. It may be a depressive state, but we needed to do this. For everyone and for ourselves as well.

As we walked the halls for possibly the last time this week, I thought of everyone else we’ll miss. People in our wave who’d make a name for themselves sooner than everybody expects. People like Ayessa and Kenzo. Ayessa, our QA, is just a charming, righteous and positive person. I would definitely love to hear better news about her in a few months. Kenzo’s hardworking and slick. They’ll definitely shine from our batch. Good guys from Team Ryan who stick together. Wavz, Brian, Jeff, Shiela, She Mia, Gay, Wes, Abe, Nico. You’re great as a team, keep it up. Other people like Dean and Xavvy. New acquaintances like KC and others. And my team—they’re just powerhouse. Brian and Jeff, I do wish I became more comfortable with you guys sooner. I hope you keep making everyone lively. You made the best seat mates, believe me. Gertz, too bad I lost a month knowing you, but you were so nice. Adel, man, if I were constantly smoking again I would have loved to pick your brain while sitting in the smoking areas. Ayang, I’m hoping to bump into you again one day around the village. Mommy Jo, what can I say, I’ve known you since Medco days. You’re still the same lovable Mommy Jo. Marky—I’m expecting him to become a csm soon. You stand up and manage better than anyone when Cielo’s not around. Jamie—I should have gotten into a drinking session with you earlier had I known. Too bad you didn’t get to see me come to work after that session in Nak’s. Jay and Dana—make up for me. Hehe. To the others—Tonie, Alex, Emily and others I may have not mentioned, I just wish I was able to know you guys better. Everyone has given me a great time while I was taking in calls in your bay for the past few weeks. And of course, Cielo. If there’s anything I would like to tell her, it would be that I am so sorry for not being the agent she probably hoped for. I wasn’t the agent I hoped I would be as well, but I would like to thank her for the small time I was with her. I would like you to know that I’m already disappointed in myself, so no need to get upset over me na. He he. I almost believed I would be able to give you the same good statistics I gave Medco before I left, but I guess I hoped too much. But you were one of the best managers I have come across with. You would have been so proud to have me under your wing as much as I m that you’re my csm had I given you the best I could. But nonetheless, I wish you all the best. You WILL be great. That’s a fact. And when I hear about that after a few months, I wouldn’t be surprised at the news, maybe just on the fact that they didn’t recognize it sooner.

 
Thank you for everything. We’ll miss you.
(post originally dated December 20th.)