I’m 24 and I stutter to 18 year olds. Well, not really stutter. Just mind block and can’t communicate well. Saaaaaaayh. But then, like in the Boy Meets Boy book, you can flirt with the best of them, but only when it doesn’t matter.

Okay. For clarification, I am not out to ensnare minors. I happen to be friends with some, but some people are just amusingly witty I am so surprised that they could latch on to my humor. It’s been a long time since I last had “unsafe” chats with one (exception of selected snarky friends, of course), and by unsafe, I mean, different from let’s-end-up-talking-about-the-nice-ones-like-the-weather-and other-sparkly-things-because-you-might-end-up-getting-upset-if-I-say-something-bad-but-really-humorous.

I miss snarky, I miss witty, I miss sugar-high conversations. I have them sometimes over the weekend, thank god, but testosterone humor is still testosterone humor. Okay, I admit I turn into one sometimes (geek testosterone is awsum) but it can get draining. Specially since I’m faking the testosterone part (hello, biology?) I’m bound to run out of supply—much like when you drink Red Bull and you wonder where you’re getting all the energy (and feel so spent for about 5 days in return) but it’s really fake anergy anyway.

So, fortunately (or unfortunately for them), I get to find some weird mix every once in a while, and when I do, I pick their minds like crazy. I have this thing of how to gauge if someone’s of a wave-length: I slide in a small comment, and when that someone picks it up, then I know it’s not a lost cause. Off you go to friends category A (or is it category B? Can’t remember), and you will be contacted frequently from here on.

The problem with me, though, is that I have lowered standards—because unfortunately I don’t have much luxury to go around and spend time with a lot of them. Sometimes they go in packs, and they’re usually available on the internet, but I am without a connection right now, so my peers are either work buddies, or rediscovered old connections. Or maybe even random friend referral. It happens. But you get tired of waiting sometimes and when unexercised, wittiness wanes, till the next one comes along and you feel…dazzled (holy shit, point 1 for the commoner in me to use an Edward Cullen referrence!) by them. It can be wit, or it can be the presence, either which. Or it can be the plethora of either useless info or helpful info, which ever.

So, I stutter. Or my mind blocks. I get lapses. Unless you feed me some liquor real quick and all the anxiety are diminished temporarily. It’s embarrassing, of course, that apparently my wit is inconsistent, but don’t worry, I still talk to JC every once in a while to exercise, even if she’s more critical and rather judgemental.

Admittedly, I have been rather judgemental myself. Should I encounter someone who couldn’t get into the same wave of snarky-ness, I back off a bit, leave them to their comforts. It can be rather hard because it gives me an aloof make-up if not shy or uncommunicative, and that gives me more time to myself. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate friendly. I am still interested in them. Just…not very familiar. Of course I’m aware it’s a flaw I need to fix. Specially if it backfires on me, because as much as I don’t have the patience to deal, it turns out, not everyone has the patience to wait for me to speak.

Well, I’m trying. At least, it’s a start, right? So please, please, please be a little bit more patient with me, especially if you’re one of those I take a fancy on because you’re hella snarky. If I stutter, of if I smile bashfully instead of saying something witty, you’d know. Till then, don’t give up on me, yeah?