A bar. A pub. A few months after. She was with she who will never be named, because doing so will be to commercialize what’s essential. She will simply be, The Gift From Heaven Above.

But TGFHA is the was but never will be. And Trager knew that. And so, with a little bit of a heart wound and some colds to bear with, she set it out some place after work that she last remembered spending some great and precious time with TGFHA with, and simply BE—the hardest thing she had to deal with for the past few months. Not just with TGFHA, but some other people. Like maybe The One She Couldn’t Get Over With Because She Was Almost Perfect.

“Up till now you’re still labelling me?” TGFHA asked at one time while they were talking over the phone. And she couldn’t help it. Really, it was something she did to maybe understand people more. Now, she’s in this place a few kilometres away from the city, and TGFHA has become The Girl Who Was Inevitable But Not For Her, and Trager was somehow perfectly fine with it. But for tonight, she was TGFHA.

They talked. Trager showed her around like it was their first time. She brought TGFHA to this place that reminded her of TOSCGOWBSWAP, because it was a nickname she was christened with. Tonight, Trager thought, it would be about first times. First stories after a few months; first laughter after a few months; first new store experience I brought her to after a few months. That was what she always used to love about TGFHA, everything always seemed like the first time.

Then, it hit her. Trager found something, brought it to the counter, then paid for it within 5 minutes.

+++

“Hi! I’m not available right now, so please leave a message after the beep.”

*Beep*

“Hi! Listen. This is, well, uh…Trager. I’m sure you know who I am. But, listen. I found this comic book. You used to tell me how you said you wanted to have a copy of that. I mean, you used to tell me about wanting to have a copy of books you read about, and then I figured, it’s probably a territorial thing. I dunno. But, I found it. I’m sure you would have bought a copy. I mean, it’s just a few dollars, really. And compared to the other things you wanted to buy, this is pretty cheap.

“But listen. I don’t know. I’m sure you’re very happy right now. I should be, too. Because that’s what people try to do after a few weeks of pretending. But I found this very small comic book and I remembered you and it wasn’t precisely in my budget and I wasn’t really thinking about my budget at all, I was thinking about you. And…how I could connect to you. Because all this time, I really wanted to say Hi and I Miss You, and I kind of want to speak to you and talk to you and all those things but I’m kind of stuck on ensuring that I make it seem that I have moved on. But I bought it. I bought that comic book tonight. You’re probably out there having a good time, and I am, really. I mean, I’m with TGFHA but you’re TOSCGOWBSWAP, so I don’t know exactly what that makes you in my life, really, but truthfully, I miss you. I want to go out there, make it happen, go over to wherever you are be it in that god forsaken hundred miles away from here place you sleep at, but god, what I wouldn’t give to have that one more look into your eyes and kiss you and hug you and stay close and not really tell you I love you because that’s kind of spooky even if it feels almost a little right. But I really meant to say…I don’t know. I…well.

“But you know? I’m sure you’re okay right now. I’m sure you don’t miss me. You go ahead. And…oh. The comic? A little fun. But…nothing like what I kind of expected.”

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*tooot*