Nikolai knew it was wrong. Nikolai knew he really shouldn’t be doing it out of the fact that it would be much like losing his dignity—his pride—and that is all that’s left of him, really. But Nikolai knew, deep down, that it’s now or never, and never was an option he didn’t want to go for.

He nervously paced back and forth, mumbling something that seemed incoherent but was really the address of the same house he was standing in front of. Her room was located on the back part of the house, and god knows how he could go there without being seen. He looked at the house again. It was 4:06am, and it had only a few house bulbs on, but it was practically serene. He went back to pacing. He groped for the box on his back pocket and pulled out a cigarette, paused, then put it back again. He has been doing that 40 minutes since he got there, but he was worried that he might end up smoking the whole pack the moment he started on it, so he fought hard not to. It was enough that he was pale; he didn’t want to lose his breath as well.

He looked at the house again. He was wondering whether he should call, but after going a few miles out there, he realized that it completely defeated the purpose. He was a fucking alpha male, he could do this. He should take it as a sign that no patrol cars have even gone around the area for the past hour—that should give him ample time. He looked around for safety measures, then in a snap, he quickly went to the wall on the side of the house. He banked on his mild atrocity instinct and adrenaline, plus high hopes that nobody would report a break in. He didn’t have the time to inspect the place before, but somehow, he found a way to climb the wall—withstanding the bruises and scrapes—and made it inside the front yard. He went around the house in sleuth, tried to remember what the view was when he was inside her room before, then finally, located the window of her room.

And he stood there, realizing he was in a stump. What now?

He took a huge breath, then jumped on his place to cut down his agitation. It’s worth it. I don’t care, she’s worth it.

And so he did a usual Romeo and looked for stones.

It took a few taps. He didn’t want to silently shout, so he just kept throwing the pebbles. Soon, he saw a figure come through the window, peeking, then a lamp went on. The window opened.

“Holy fuck. Nick?”

“Yeah. Uh…hi.”

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” she was obviously trying to control screaming.

“I need to tell you something.”

“What time is it?!”

“Please?”

“Good god, Nick. What is it?”

“Well, I was hoping you could come down here.”

“You could have just called me up!”

“Well, I have to tell it to you now. Like, in person. Or it’s never going to be worth anything if I don’t.”

“Jesus Christ. Let me get you inside.”

“No, no. Please. Just…can you come down here? I don’t want to wake up anybody else.” I don’t want to wake up your sister, he almost added, but it might get her upset.

It took some seconds. “Fine,” she said resignedly, then she disappeared from the window. It felt like it took years before she got downstairs. When she did, she was in a bathrobe, and rubbing her arms due to the cold. He remembered that it’s almost the Christmas season.

“Wow. You look amazing.”

“It’s a bathrobe, Nick.”

So much for small talk.

“So?” She impatiently asked. Her skin glowed white in the dark, almost luminous. But it was nothing compared to her eyes which were still a fiery copper in the glint of the small light nearby. Copper. He remembered how she was nick-named after that color because of her eyes. It was an attribute he loved but never told her about.

He looked at those pair of eyes. He remembered how wicked they could always look when she’s playful yet still very warm, especially when she smiles. He realized that that’s what he wanted to see every day, really…and it gave him the boost he needed.

“Cop, I don’t think there would be an easy way to say this, so please bear with me for now, okay?” He was relieved to find not much change in her expression. “Look, I know it’s hard. I know it was rather stupid. And like Jen has told me before, it would be easier for me because I don’t live in the same household as your sister, and I wouldn’t be the one to look into her eyes at breakfast everyday.

“I know you love her, Cop. And as much as I know it’s impossible because I wouldn’t have met you if it weren’t for her, but I wish I didn’t meet Hannah before you. If I didn’t break her heart, I would have gone on enjoying each and every moment with you more. I’m sorry it didn’t work out between Hannah and I and for a moment I kind of really thought it would. And I wanted a new start with you but I know we kind of started out wrong even if it felt right…well, at least you felt right. And, truthfully, I don’t know with you. And I don’t really know what you want to do with me. I know you need space, and I know you feel we’re better off apart, but lame as it sounds, I went all the way here just to tell you that I don’t believe that. That truthfully, I miss you and the things we do and how you make me smile and how your eyes laugh and how it makes my day okay just seeing you even if there are a dozen more guilt which come with it. But looking at you, it makes me feel like everything is going to be alright—and I feel it’s something I could do for many more years. And yes, I feel I don’t really have much pride left now, but I don’t think I care about that as much as I care more about getting this message across.

“If you don’t want me anymore, that’s okay. Well, no, it’s not okay, really, but I’ll let you go because I know it would be harder for you if I don’t. But at least I need you to be aware that I’m fighting for this. And that deep down, I want us. And I need you to know that—that the idea of us is something that would keep me going for a long time. “

There. Nikolai has finally rambled on with everything without having to say I am in love with you, and possibly, I love you.

Copper didn’t say anything—and Nikolai felt she knew she’s not supposed to say anything. And for the last time for that season, Copper lovingly placed her hand on Nikolai’s face and gave him a longing kiss—then went inside the house.

And there, that one last act, marked Nikolai’s season ender.