So you want the truth? I’ll tell you parts of it.
I’m bored. I’ve been surfing the net for how many hours now and I still don’t know what I should be doing or where I should be going. I’ve been jumping to and fro My Space accounts of mostly chinese and Thailander people, for who knows why. I’m still thinking if I should even be opening a myspace account. I already opened accounts for the reason that I thought they might be helpful, but then again they weren’t.
Pretty much like a lot of things in my life.
I’m currently jobless and unavailable to most gigs because we’re running out of funds. We’re awaiting the call of some jobs we applied for, and if all goes well and God still likes me, maybe I’ll get the dream job I want for now. But until then, we’re pretty much screwed. My mother is the only one who knows the real situation and I told her only this afternoon. I’ve quit the job last December 18th.
I’m not proud of it. I’m still hoping I pushed for things more and made things look better before I left. I made this really long letter telling everybody I’m sorry for being such an ass but I’m still thinking twice if I should be posting it because they’re never gonna know anyway. It doesn’t help that my batchmates in my last work are already quiting. I still didn’t leave the company with a better image. At least I believe I didn’t. I could have done better and I didn’t. I always think about that anyway yet in the end, it still doesn’t work out like it should.
I hate myself for not being better for her. I’ve had a thousand promises made and none of them are working out. I said I won’t make her quit. She likes what she does until I show a little disapproval–then she becomes critical.
I’m checking out some graphic jobs. Turns out I’m not that qualified for some of them. Now I’m doing a crash course on all the required stuff: a little bit of flash, a little bit of dreamweaver, and a little bit of illustrator. I have totally forgotten about corel and I can’t start installing that now. I have a limited computer space and I’m just grateful that Ger lent the computer to me.
I am still frightened by the real world. Maybe I’ll go back to the job which serves as my comfort zone. But I’m really pleading to God I get the job I want. Or I wish for, rather.
But until then, I’m screwed.
So there. Truth hurts.
