I am running out of excuses.Once, I told myself I would want to be with a person who would satiate my inner cravings for mental deliberations, and if not, at least someone from the poetic side. Someone who would readily sweep me with words, someone whose mind readily colors out other dimensions even while we’re at an unadorned space. Like a cradle of vast imagination that I would love to wallow in. we would try to understand the world through our unusual views, we would color pastels black and darken the lines that normally etched the thin ice surrounding other curves. We would readily blur the lines of morality and emotions, and we would ride into wherever our minds take us.
And we would talk. We would talk for countless hours without having no real flow of conversation in mind. We would quote authors we learned to adore. We would laugh at the intricacies created by such people we look up to. We would get lost at different plots. We would suffer the blow of various complications. And we would fall under the romances of the pink skies of literary pages.
But the best thing of all, touch would not be a primary need between us: We would hug each other if we need to, but our lives would not depend on the mere existence of my hand on his. The words would be enough for him to touch me, to penetrate my soul.
We would laugh. Endlessly. We would run around, trying to momentarily live crazy lives lifted from some prose. We would give nary a care to everyone. Every day would be seized to the fullest. I would sit under some tree with his head resting on my lap. I would read chapters of some book we would both like to explore. In turn, he would read me some poetry, and we’d plainly sway to the magic brought about by the words. He would not ask where I have been if I get lost in my thoughts. He would understand my need for momentary silence. He would not be surprised because he finds me on the most obscure place possible, but would be surprised to find that we both chose that place to be our recluse.
Before, I dreamed of the sweetest love. We would lie around and feel the earth, and kisses shall obscure from our eyes the heaven and create our own between the exchange of passion; and in the middle we would get lost in his poetic way of losing things. The flight to nowhere would be voluntary, and the sweet caress his fingers would bring would be enough to spark my soul over and over again. He would not mind the atmosphere, for he would have started a different ambiance for us.
And then I would smile, because I know I can live my life at peace. That I wouldn’t worry what would become of us when we grow old. I wouldn’t worry about what we would talk about. Because somehow, I know we won’t run out of it. We’ll both be silent, and still communing.
And then…I wake up.
-originally posted at another site, November 27th 2004
Kinausap ako ni A kanina. “May ipapabasa ako sa iyo,” nakangising sabi niya, “matatawa ka.”
Apparently nagsend ng message si X, may pinopropose na “great idea.” Na may involvement naming dalawa ni A.
Eww.
Basta. Don’t ask. Di ko pwede iblog, eh.
Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww.
I just have to take note of this conversation. It kept running through my head while I was taking that 5 minute snooze before I took a bath for work.
Previously: There was Kristine Fonacier (MTV Ink’s Editor-in-Chief turned Burn Mag’s EIC) and Denise Mallabo (Assistant Editor of MTV Ink / Vocalist for Olympic Smoker) in a surreal surrounding. For some reason there was a shopping cart they were steering in this grassy area on a mountain slope; and they were having some problems pushing it when I finally decided to help. And then for some reason they met this guy in a yellow shirt who got them into this conversation that’s boring the hell out of the two, so they kind of decided they’d just be polite.
Denise: So what’s your name again?
Unknown guy in yellow: It’s Zinggo. My name’s Zinggo.
Denise: Oh! Aren’t you the guy who’s singing for this anime jesus christ television series? (sarcastic)
Kristine: I thought you said we’d be polite?
Denise: Oh, you mean that wasn’t flirting?
Hahaha. I can’t stop laughing kanina. *more laughter* I don’t know why I’m dreaming about them now. I haven’t seen them for about over a year now.
Anyhoo, too much hassle for today. Great morning, but I’m afraid of what’s gonna happen tonight. Today’s the day mum leaves for San Francisco; esd 10pm. They’re required to show up four hours before so they should be at the airport at around 5 or 6. Not bad, but if I’m going to come along with them, that’s going to mean less rest for me again. Sigh. And my body is aching for sleep. I’ve had so much bruises and aches for the past days due to the Ultimate encounter. Okay, so maybe not JUST because of the Ultimate play, but maybe I’ve been having a bad leukocytes count that I’m having so much blood bumps on me. I feel very tired lately.
The frisbee game wasn’t rough. Or, as F puts it, the game is called ultimate, not ultimate frisbee or frisbee, but only to place an association to the disk, we place the bad name beside it. Okay, last words mine. Ultimate was mostly about run run run and run more like hell. You can’t do a basketball and run with the disk; the moment you catch it, you have to pass it over to a new player. So bawal ang kupal. I like that.
Well. People are crazy. They’re nice folks, and more crazy in humor than I expected. Ger is so much into the hype that we’re planning to buy a disc to at least practice the throws. I just like the idea of having to tote a huge bag ala varsity. frustrated kasi ako. And at least I can wear good jerseys. Hah. Kaso lang we’re going to need soccer shoes soon, and they’re not really cheap. Or maybe just good running shoes with spikes to kick off everybody.
Other news, I’m dreading to go home. It’s 9:15 and I have to go home soon, but that would mean bidding my mum goodbye. Goodness, Christmas is getting more lonesome when you grow older. Well, at least THEY’re going to partly experience the american dream of a white christmas, that is if they’d be going to the snowy regions. I’m not sure if they will, after all, my mum and I share the same tolerance to cold, which is less than zero. I’m hoping she doesn’t catch pneumonia. It’s gonna be a bad start if she goes around with sniffles.
Tapos I have to go look around for Bea and John Lloyd VCDs. My cousin is CRAAAZZZEEE over the two, and I mean CRAZY. As I promised I’d be buying her some. I already bought her older broher a book by NVM Gonzales, and I know it doesn’t compare to the books he gave me, I thought it might be nice to read about his roots. Other than that, I have sleep to worry about. Again.
And I’m dead bored of this work. Anything new.
To whom it may concern:
Please excuse JC for any inappropriate display of behavior she may have for the past and even the next days due to an unstable evolution of undisputed anger and self combustion related to life. She, if possible, should not be held liable for any words–either shocking, inappropriate or maybe even rude–that she would be coming up with, remember that she is still a work in progress; she would just be sending out the apology letters uttered through air.
I do hope for your kind consideration regarding this matter. After all, she’s just human.
Regards,
Hades
+++
It’s such a sad state when cute little wonders grow up to be hideous monsters on screen. It’s when they lose their baby faces that you wonder just where the fuck the genes went to. Maybe to their dicks.
I’m sorry, because we just got a tv this morning and the shop was showing this episode of Yael “let’seatthegoddamnmicrophone” of Spongecola with Kris Aquino on the latter’s noon time game show. I wasn’t able to catch the whole thing but it seemed like it was his second day on the show, beating other contenders. He stood there looking stupid while Kris was doing her closing sponsors. And then she goes, “Bukas, mas exciting kasi ang mga kalaban mo ay the old contenders! Yung mga old winners…blah blah.” And he just stands there looking like, “Am I supposed to react surprised, excited, orgasmic or something?” while Kris is trying to elicit some reaction from the guy whose jaws just jutted out. He looks like a disturbed, rock version of Robin Padilla.
Tangina. If he does one of those “Anak ni Baby Ama” sequels I’ll start laughing like crazy.
Well, ayun nga. We were buying this telly kasi we’re starting to die of boredom sa apartment. At least by Wednesday (actually, that’s TODAY, so the event will be LATER) we’re signing up for this beginner’s thing for Ultimate Frisbee, so now we have to find something to do for the rest of the week. We were planning to overhaul the computer in the apartment but we’re still looking for a good motherboard or cpu. The moment we have it fixed, I’m assuring you a better template. Hehe.
Anyhow, I have finally confirmed it.Parents leaving on the 18th, and house would be left undesigned. My mum’s offering me the poinsettias we bought together. We don’t even have a tree yet, and I’m not sure if we’d be having one soon. We’re still looking. I wanted something disposable because then we wouldn’t have to worry about where to stack it for the rest of the year. Maybe we should start creating illusionary christmas trees. So I’m going home on Thursday. I was supposed to check out Recto with Ger for some books or maybe do some early christmas shopping, but hey, my mum’s about to leave, and she wanted me to stay around at least. I’m thinking of a place where I can treat her on Thursday, but knowing that she doesn’t like too much travel, it’s going to be hard. Mister Kabab is becoming a staple place and I would have wanted her to see it. I’m also still deciding on what good book I can ask them to give to my cousin; something Filipino cultured like F. Sionil Jose or something. Anyhow, mum’s saying she might not be home on thrusday, so I might just stay around to see if I can at least have the template done halfway. The image and the concept is done, only the template is still in limbo.
Anyhow, I have an idea now as to why we feel bored or why we lack the motivation to come to work—but I won’t tell you just yet. I have to go home in a few, and Ger’s probably waiting for me. So. Hafta go. I’ll finish this entry soon.
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