7.25 and I’m inside this old computer shop where I used to burn hours at when I was back in high school. That’s fucking 7 years ago and counting. I left the house early thinking I might get stuck in traffic. 3 day sale kasi sa SM. So syempre, agawan jeep with all the people with those red plastic bags with the evident print na “SM 3 Day Sale.” Wala na akong pakialam na pumunta. Wala rin naman akong balak bilhin, pantalon lang ulit sana. Pero ika nga ni Ger, 3 lang ang pares ng pantalon niya, at ako’y umaabot na sa mahigit sampu, pero di pa rin ako magkanda-ugaga. Right. I should really learn to control my wants. Gusto ko rin sana nitong Emily Strange type of bag na red and black intercrossed kaso bukod sa marami na akong bag sa house eh ayoko na lang talaga makipagsiksikan. Besides, if it was meant to be mine, it will be mine. After four days or so when exhausted na ang resources ng SM.
Mukha pa rin akong kanto boy. Ang pangit pa ng background ko.
Anyway. I have been sleeping for almost 8 hours now and still my body’s trying to withdraw the strength I’m supposed to have. I dunno which exactly to attribute it to. I can’t say it has been the vigorous sports we have been doing for the past days, but maybe it’s just the monthly thing. Yesterday at work I resorted to faking sickness just so I could get away with sleeping for more or less two hours. I nearly got my TL’s ire for it. Honestly, I’m really really starting not to care. For some reason I’m going back to my being lax. With mostly ridiculous stuff. Sooner or later, I might go back to being the other me.
I can’t figure out my self lately. I wanted to go back to some of the usuals I used to do and yet I’m not making a move to make them happen. And then count a few hours or days I get depressed for not being able to execute it. Kanina, I was on board the jeep when they started playing Kamikazee’s rip off of the Rexona/Parokya’s First Day Funk song, the latter I remember was played around my first year off work. How fucking apt that they are playing these things when I’m finally not around to relish them in my lips while I really was bound by the classrooms’ four walls. Never was enthusiastic with graduating and moving on to the phase which would teach me to be more attached. Right now, people are starting to move about. Resigning, or resigning. Or maybe resigning or staying with angst. It’s pretty depressing. You don’t encounter these in college. You don’t encounter this kind of being nonchalant. Things do change, and the only things you’re left with are your feelings rubbed off with empathy and your body, both barely breathing.
I’ll have to move on too sooner or later. Ang masaklap, mukhang ako lang talaga magisa. The other has plans for herself. I’m not sure I’m included. So I’ll have to really learn to stand up alone. And move.
And again, be depressed.
