Grouchy Wednesday morning, believe me. I feel I couldn�t be cheery enough. I wasn�t able to sleep last night because I was still troubled, not with my difficulty of breathing (which stopped miraculously minutes after I talked to Jace) but rather with the shock hanging over my head. Spent the night listening to new tapes I�m thinking of converting into cds (and no, JP, don�t tell me that�s piracy) which, come to think of it, agitated me more. I settled for Lifehouse�s Stanley Climbfall to soothe me in the end.
I asked Jace to wake me up at 5am for my 7am class, but I texted him instead at that time telling him he doesn’t have to wake me up; I didn’t sleep anyway. I tried to sleep while I’m on my way on the FX but I still couldn’t. I don’t blame NU107 which was blaring in my ears. It was a diversion.
I sneaked inside my classroom 45 minutes late. Found out the instructor still haven’t checked the attendance, to my relief. But also found out I wasn’t in his roster of attendance. Darn it. I don’t know why I even bother to enter this class. Some of us probably know more than he does, and I don’t even know this lot. I just blocked with this section because I got lost in the adding/dropping part last enrolment.
Tina just texted. She was asking if I was okay. Had to smile. Last night, while on the verge of collapsing, I was trying to mutter the names of some people nearest to me that could/might give me temporary strength. Jace. Jace. Jace. Tina. Tina. Tina. Couldn’t think of anybody else. If anybody could save me at that moment, I couldn’t even think about my own parents probably running to rescue me. Tina and Jace might not be able to save me either, but their memory somehow made me smile. That’s enough.
I have to list more people that could save me when I’m in distress. They can’t save me outright, or even deliberately won’t, but at least their memories will. If ever I have another case of panic/hyperventilation, at least if ever my heart fails to function or if my vains snap quickly, I’d be smiling. That would be good enough.
ps:
Jace, I really can’t thank you enough. I can’t promise to pay your possibly high phone bill because of me last night (from Bulacan…it’s the same rate nationwide, right?), but I do promise to never forget you for the rest of my life because at the moment I was the least strong, at the moment when I declared myself to be lonely, and at the moment I was so vulnerable, you just kept on whispering at the other end of the line. You’ll never know how much comfort that gave me. Thank you.
