Of Mild Body-Slammings and Silent Thoughts.
I didn’t realize how mushy songs can really get especially if one’s on the brink of pulling his/her hairs out, also known as the mad-scientist way of freaking out. For one, I didn’t assume that I would actually extract deep sentiments from Moonstar88’s song Torete (if there really are real sentiments on that song) in the middle of hundreds of people standing inside the open-field known as the Wow Philippines landmark, with also a hundred or so kids trying to fake a mosh pit in front of the lead singer’s swaying hips. Sure, fake yourselves kiddies, but I honestly don’t think Torete’s such a good song you could start a riot with (and stupidly flash peace signs afterwards), but anyway as long as I’m far from those bastards, I don’t really mind. But to be caught in the middle of NU 107’s Summer Shebang at Intramuros while waiting for JP (with Max to follow after 8pm) alone in the crowd with Moonstar88 belting out the hopeful lyrics with again the lonely sunset complementing the freaky mild melancholy mood that seemed to emerge from�whoa!…me�is first and foremost ridiculous, and of course, emoting to the song is another.
�sana ay maabot ang langit / Ang ‘yong mga ngiti, sana ay masilip� / Huwag kang magaalala / Di ko ipipilit sa iyo / Kahit na lilipad ang isip ko�y torete sa ‘yo�
Amazing. I have known this song before, but it’s just wonderful how it suddenly pops up JUST WHEN YOU DON’T WISH TO THINK OF THE CONCERNED. Apt should be erased in the dictionary especially if it’s going to be used sarcastically, dammit. I sadly pulled one of the cigarettes I stuck earlier in my wristwatch’s belt and looked at the stage. People were just starting to pounce around, I was starting to watch stiffly and act nonchalant. Hah. Nonchalant my ass. If I had not proclaimed that I’m the queen of stoic unperturbed soul, it would probably hurt more. But which is ailing? The ego or the desire that had played around with false hopes? I slowly shook my head. I can�t believe reason dictates it’s the latter.
Ilang gabi pa nga lang / Nang tayo’y pinagtagpo / Na parang may tumulak / Nanlalamig, nanginginig nga ako
It’s just shitty. I could have admired how the place looks a lot like a bigger Big Sky Mind minus the chairs and the house, or I could have wandered around like usual, wondered at the sight of black avril lavigne/islaapshaack/tsikoski/keso clones or puffed them all into oblivion like I could most probably have done if this happened before and my distraction involved someone else. Maybe I would have bought cans of Red Horse and I’ll make my way unto the weird “jologs” (I’m quoting Diether Ocampo) crowd and slam along with them, in high hopes that I would not have malignant breast cancer afterwards. I could have elbowed everyone in the crowd with the possibility that they would return the blow and I’d feel a different kind of pain instead�okay, so maybe not the them-elbowing-me kind of thing, but at least a diversion.
Akala ko nung una / May bukas ang ganito / Mabuti pang umiwas / Pero salamat na rin at nagtagpo�
I am not hurting that bad of course, but it’s just irritating how a series of possible alternatives are shown to your face, and not one of them is presenting a good view of what�s to come. It’s a huge question you’re just itching to get away from: if ever it happens, so what? Walang bukas ang ganito, mabuti pang umiwas. Pero salamat na rin. We’re both hanging from the yarns of tangled threads of fate, and you just know that none of the ends meet where you both might be hanging together. Either the other thread runs short, or the other end is tangled up with another thread that�s meant to run on a better course. We’re just both hanging–or at least, I’M hanging. As usual, he doesn�t know. Anything new? Pero huwag kang magalala. Di ko sasabihin sa iyo.
Last night, I have resolved to put the cork back where it belongs. I’m going to start brainwashing myself, conditioning my thinking that nothing’s going to happen anyway, that it’s a one sided thing, and that we’re just forever going to be friends. Nothing extra out of the ordinary. I’m going to just make myself realize that things are the same, except I’m just going to look at things differently. That things ought to be taken for what it is; that reading between the lines brings nothing fruitful. It’s just going to STOP�but if only theories and words can easily be done.
